Random Thoughts and Written Bitletts
Pictures, Pictures and More Photographs...updated 1/18/06
Random Thoughts and Written Bitletts

AKA Things that come from the brain...and elsewhere...

BRING ON THE 'SNIGLETS'... (updated 03-16-05)

I gave you my all
And just when I thought I was fine
You let me down...again
And here I rest
Staring right back you
Through this hole you left in my heart.

I gave it my all
But you destroyed it...again
You let me think that what we had was real
But it was all smoke and mirrors
All I ever wanted
Was for you to love me the way I love you

Honestly, I’ll be okay
I fucking loved you more than anyone
But you played me for a fool...twice

If you only knew
How it felt
I was numb
I was raw
I was wounded

I’ll count to three
And pick up every
Piece of my shattered hope
Breathe in my misfortune
And then exhale

I should have seen it from the start
But I think I figured it out
I think I can finally see
You can laugh now
The joke's on you.
I should have listened to you
You were right
All along you said
I deserved better.

3rd anniversary and not getting any easier...I miss you bro!
I miss you
so much.
It's been 3 years
and still
the pain
it guts me
rips out
my soul
on my heart.
it is simply
than I can bear.
It's even greater
than yesterday
and will be even
3 years
and still
you're gone.
Just a shadow
left here
of you.
A reminder of what used to be.
A shadow
of my life.
How can it be
that I can't move on...
I seem to walk
in endless
always coming back
to the shadow
of you.
A reminder
of what used
to be.
A shadow
of my life.

Ursa Major
the greater bear.
are you.
Your laughter
of air
up to the surface.
Your eyes
at times
like a primordial forest
chunks of copper ore
or warm,
green pools
of tranquility...

One heart
as another
like a stone
to the bottom
of any empty well
with a resounding
near the bottom
of the stomach...

Another night
sleep will not come
to me
so I watched
on Discovery Channel
and ate
cold, mashed potatoes.
With my
imagination running
on full
I doubt I needed
more fodder
for thought...
it's night
and I cannot
shut off
my mind.
Thoughts dash
synaptic tag
or perhaps
cranial red rover.
I try
to sleep
mentally blocking out
the cacophany
within my head.
Only it never lasts.
Moments later
a party
is going on
in my skull
and I wasn't even
My eyes
and tired
evades me.
The slumber
I yearn for
dances merrily
out of reach.
The dream seeds
in my subconscience
must wait
for another
to bloom.

I lay
curled before you
My soul is torn
too easily
like tissue paper
A howling wind
tears through
the darkness
that is now
inside me
Despair has taken hold
of my heart
clenched tight in its fist
Crushing my will to live
Alone I stand
on trembling legs
facing a harsh reality
I have never known
The rain stings my face
leaving tracks there
like my tears
My throat burns
tight with pain
Never before
have I felt so cold
and so alone...
I feel I'm going to
in my tears

I stop myself
as I reach for you
only to find air
But my mind plays tricks on me
for it still sees the shape
of your body
lying next to mine
In the early hours
of dawn
with my dream eye
I can feel you
If only it was true

Lying alone in bed
I think of you
Where we have been
and where we might go
The future spreads
out before us
vast and unknowing
like leaves in the wind
our lives tumble
together or apart
only destiny knows...

Hollow memories
remembered scents
are a poor substitute
for you

A mutual risk
in a shared glance
Two hearts
holding hands
at times
Like the first steps
an infant takes
and with
the same
as fragile
as an eggshell
and as easy
to crush

Skipping Stones
My tousled boy
with your
carefree smile
So quick
to laugh
tossing stones
from the shore
One, two, three
they skip
the ripples
far reaching
the calm surface
of my life

On my sheets
your scent lingers
a pleasant reminder
of the heat
of our passion
All consuming
we arch
and meet
as one
The act
of joining
our essences
I remember
our hearts beating
Fused together
in a silent dance
of the soul...

In the dark
I trace
the outline
of your face
so perfect
so beautiful
as dear
and as familiar
to me now
as my own
Sometimes I am stunned
by what I feel
when I look at you
[heady, breathless, shocked]

A creature
from beyond
I think
are you
with no earthly ties
passion unbridled
The face of an angel
with a tortured soul

Looking up
I see you
in the night sky
The brightest light
tearing through
the velvet of midnight
Your many expressions
constantly change
the pattern of your face
Your warm
white glow
comforts me
As you and I gaze
into each other's faces
I stop and wonder why
no matter how much I beseech you
beg your opinion
you never answer me
For although
I see your mouth
you cannot speak

On The Shortness of Life...
The waves roll in
from the endless horison
they come
Our toes leave their marks
in the sand (as we walk)
An imprint
of their thoughts
Their time is short
a reprieve
from the nimble, searching
fingers of the surf
They are not long of this earth
As we are also
The sand
each grain
another day
another life
with the ebb
of the tide
of life

My First "Punk" Song I Wrote in 1985...
Banging heads on the linoleum floor
When I'm done you'll only ask for more
They try to shove their ways
down your throat
hoping you'll accept it
before you choke
When Heaven's on fire
and Hell's reaching up for more
Fighting, you'll end up on the floor
Submission's not the way
Throw their crumpled morals
in the trash
where they belong
With their misguided judgement
it won't be long
until that mind of yours
they try to flay
Me, me
Shoot up
Fuck you
My mind's my own
I'll do as I please
Preach to someone else
Who cares?
I've had enough
I'm done
(Yeah, I know it sucked and still does. I think we sang it to the tune from Cheech and Chong's performance in Up in Smoke--Dunna-nuh, dunna-nuh-nuh-nuh...
Hey man, Dave's not here...)

From the Gate...An Airport Sniglet...

From The Gate (to You)



from the gate

to you


and yet

so new



a rediscovered


from the past






all a kilter



in my ears




just what

I will find

as I


from the gate



to you


I love airports. The ultimate in people watching. A wonderful assortment of humanity. A constantly changing freakshow. The first time I realized what an endless source of entertainment and input they provided was when I was 8. I had gone to Scotland to visit a girlfriend whose father had been transferred there from Arizona.  

As an “airline brat”, translation- my dad was an airline pilot, I was traveling by myself. In London, I had a 10-hour layover before my flight to Edinburgh. In that time period, I saw more diversity than I had experienced in my entire eight years of life—a human cacophony of sights, sounds, colors, and smells. It was frightening and equally, it was fascinating. It also brought to mind so very many unanswered questions. Why did that beautiful, dark-eyed woman have a red spot on her forehead? Why did that man playing the lute look like Jesus—complete with the long white robes, but smelling like burning leaves? Why were those brown women wearing large black sacks that covered them from head to foot?  

For a child, the feelings were absolutely heady. I was an innocent and yet, I felt empowered solely by what I saw. Here I was, just an average invisible girl, amongst all of these exotic and amazing creatures. Did they even notice me? It was so intriguing. 

I always looked forward with great anticipation to going to the airport. Who would I see today? A man in a funny beaver hat? Siamese twins? A large family all chattering away in a language that I couldn’t identify? I would make up stories for the travelers explaining where they were going and why. The old Russian woman, with the thick ankles, was originally from Minsk. She had recently fled the motherland, making a daring and dangerous escape through Finland to escape from Communism. She was traveling to Paris to meet up with her brother who she hadn’t seen in 20 years. That was why she looked so happy and content. 

Endless trips, numerous airports, hundreds of people and years later, here I sit in another airport. Once again fascinated, sitting quietly watching the parade of humanity going by. Ebbing and flowing like the sea around and past me

TO THE GATE...(AWAY FROM YOU) Another Airport Sniglet...


To The Gate

As I walk


from you

from what

might have


to the gate-

the gate that

leads me


to my life



from you

Images of you


in my mind

but the distance

between us

is already apparent

Although you

have left

I am still



like I have lost


something important

as I travel

to the gate…



Sometimes, it is an event. It is as if you awake from a deep sleep. You feel neither refreshed nor rested. You gasp for breath as if you narrowly escaped drowning and in fact, you have. Instead your heart is pounding and you’re anxious. Anxious to get started and make a change. A true change. The life-altering one.


That’s how she felt that morning in DC. It was time for a change. There was so much more out there to experience. Who had coined the phrase that life was a bounty? Well, she awoke that morning having tasted but a small bit of the cornucopia and had decided then that what she really wanted was a larger bite. How long had she been simply nibbling at the edges of life? A dry and brittle existence was all she could remember. It was enough. Correction, it had been enough, but no more. Amazing, she thought, how one incident could change everything. A brief glimpse into another existence. Another possibility. Was that really all it had taken to crystallize the growing feelings of dissatisfaction that had been building steadily within her? A single moment in time that changes your life?


She had had a moment like that months before. A galvanizing moment that should have defined a new existence for her, but she had lost the power of that instant. She had not acted upon it and the opportunity had faded from her like so many others had before in her life. She was determined that this would not be another lost episode of opportunity. She tried to pin down what part of it had moved her to action? Nothing really stood out. It was the overall event and the warm feelings in the anticlimactic hours afterward. For her, the sun had finally broken free of the clouds. Never one to dwell on the whys (which had always been part of her problem), she decided to move forward on the feelings.


First, she had to go home and face the situation there. There would be no meeting of minds, no happy reconciliation. She realized with a start, that she had known this from the beginning. She had hoped, but somewhere in the inner recesses of her heart, she knew it was never meant to be. Whoever said that you couldn’t go home was right. There was no going back, it was too far gone. The more she thought about it, the more she knew that it had been gone for a long time. It hadn’t been a slow, dissolving of the feelings and ties that bound them. It had been a swift and brutal death. When she had found out the truths and half-truths, it had killed all she knew or thought she had known. And she had stayed. Stayed when she should have moved on. Nothing had gotten better. The corpse that was their relationship had simply decayed and festered. They merely existed together not happy, not sad. Somewhere in the middle then. At moments, good times outweighing the bad and vice versa. An uneasy contentedness. God, what had she been thinking? It was delusional at best and masochistic at worst.


How much energy and vitality had it sucked out of her? The marrow of her very existence seemed depleted. How many years wasted that she would never get back? It seemed only yesterday and yet, it seemed an eternity.