A Tisket A Tasket Pop Finally Blows a Gasket Mood: cheeky Now Playing: Rise Against ? An Audience of One
So it happened. Finally. Pop blew a gasket. You know what I mean. Completely lost his monkey and snapped! Twaaaaaaaang! And not at me—go figure!
It happened over the extended Hell that was Thanksgiving this year.
I think we all snapped. I know I did. I actually refused to spend the week before Thanksgiving on vacation cleaning my house to a point where mom would then approve of the cleanliness level.
I finally realized that I could have a finely trained drill team of international Housekeepers of the Year Award recipients (oh think of the uniforms they’d have!) scour the house for weeks and she would still find a dog hair…or twelve.
To use one of the most overused phrases of 2008 and to pretty much paraphrase last year, it is what it is. I cleaned as much as I wanted to and then said screw it. And I did. Instead of cleansing like a crazed Guatemalan (I was going to say anally cleansed or cleansed anally but really neither phrasing works for me in the least) I drank beer, read books and generally chillaxed instead.
So mom, take that! Ha! Oh and I have been….taking that that is! I hear about it EVERY time we speak. EVERY time. Seriously. My dusty house not only caused mom’s ongoing sinus/upper respiratory/allergen-driven/creeping crud but now also has given her Type II Diabetes! I’ve even made my sister sick as apparently the dust from my house blew to another state and infected her as well! And to think I waste this natural dust ‘talent’. I could take over any of the Third World D-list countries in say…40 years or so at this rate!
Anywho, pop had the seriously unmitigated gall to pour himself a glass of wine at 3pm. Personally I was rather proud of him for the ‘in your face’ drink. Shocked, but proud, the old guy had put it out there. Brave man. Oh who’s kidding—stupid man. Den gets crazed when anyone has a drink. A drink. Of Any kind,
And much like Alcohol Beverage Control and an underage purchaser--Denny struck!
On and on and on. It was a mélange of high pitched shrieks including “David” “Alcohol” “3pm” and other words gobble, gobble, gobble…
As I’m sitting with her on the couch, I try to divert her back to me.
Nope.
On and on and on. It was a mélange of high pitched shrieks including “David” “Alcohol” “3pm” and you get it…
I finally divert her attention off of pop and his purloined 4oz tumbler of premium box wine and back to me when…..
Cue dramatic music.
As mom turned back to me, I saw pop scowl and flip her off. Yes. You heard me. Flipped her off. Behind her back. And not really with a fully extended finger. More of a knuckle jab just in case he had to come up with a viable excuse but still. My 71 year old pop was surreptitiously flipping mom the bird. Classic on soooo many levels!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I so couldn’t wait to tell my sister!
OMG! Pop fully flipped Den off! Well, not fully. I repeat the story and do the scowly face and the soft knuckle bird impression.
General hilarity ensued, as it’s bound to do, and it was the underground saying of Thanksgiving AKA ‘Cocknuckle’ AKA the barely there bird.
COCKNUCKLE!!!!!!! (Scream it like you would ‘Sparta!’ if you were one-- it’s kind of fun…)
cheeky
