Yes Meg-O-Rama, there is a Santa Claus Mood: silly Now Playing: Heaven 17
Several of you have emailed and asked about the items I mentioned on my Christmas 'hit list'. Are they real? Where can I buy them? Do they come in red? Is child labor in China coloring them with fully leaded paint?
Well Virginia, I have good news and bad news for you. Some are real and some are simply 'Fig Newtons' of my overly fertile imagination. It's my blog and my perogative in story telling. Most of what you read is real, some is ever so slightly exaggerated and some is just down right made up hoo-ha bunk!
Which percentage is what? I have no idea--only my ghost writer knows for sure!
Here's the breakdown for those inquiring minds who wanted to know:
2. Play-Doh scented perfume - REAL! The Hasbro limited fragrance release is available online at http://www.demeterfrangrance.com
3. A Dog the Bounty Hunter Chia Pet - FAUX! Unfortunately, this item is simply a ‘Fig Newton' of my imagination. If you market it, I want royalties!
4. Another case of Pipeline Porter from Kona Brewery - REAL! This is the Kona Brewery's first new beer in 8 years! This porter has chocolate and coffee overtones and is produced using coffee from my cousin Timmy's organic coffee company. Kona's beers are distributed in Colorado , Arizona , California , Idaho , Montana , Nevada , New Mexico , Oregon , Washington and Japan . Pipeline Porter is expected to be available through February 2008 only. Stock up like I did.
5. An "I'm with the prude" t-shirt - FAUX! An idea I have kicked around for a while. I'm sure you can find anyone to create one for you online. Again, you decide to market, I want in!
6. The Best of the Muppet Show 15 DVD set - REAL! Available wherever DVDs are sold including eBay
11. A bumper sticker that says "Even my retarded dog beat up your honor student" - FAUX! Much like Sangina's Mohawk, totally fake! I just feel strongly about it.....go figure.
New Years Day Movie and a Sunrise Mood: bright Now Playing: U2-Running To Stand Still
Ahhhh....New Year's eve! A night for rich food, fun, friends and frothy beverages as well as alliteration!
I am not really a night person. That being said, if I'm not asleep or at least winding it down by 10pm, I start to wind up again to all shades of hyper! Not good when you already are prone to bouts of insomnia to start amping back up to full energy late at night. I've tried everything. No caffeine, no video games, no violent television (skipped the Iowa Caucus for this very reason) blah, blah, blah, et al.
It's just me. Some weeks I am up watching Shark Week on Discovery and vacuuming at 2am. It's a bummer as my best thoughts come around 10pm so again, I either act on the urge to write and then I'm up all night or I write the idea down, go to bed and then forget it later.
So New Years eve for me is a write off. Stay out partying and then risk not sleeping at all or cash it in early and be a pooper. So out I go, but when I return home I like to stay up for how ever many hours remain until sunrise watching movies.
Here are a few choice gems that have been viewed over the years for New Years day morning....
Muppets From Space
Dogma
Bringing Up Baby
Bladerunner
Rosemary's Baby
Raising Arizona
Foul Play
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb
No Way Out
Stripes
Team America: World Police
One year in NM, it was the story of Ron Jeremy-narcoleptic porn star. What can I say? It was 4 am and nothing, not even Springer was on! 300 million channels and nothing to watch....go figure AKA the conspiracy of paid television services but I digress.
This year? Drum rollllllllll puhleeze! Once Upon A Time In The West. Hands down the best western EVER!!!!
Happy New Year all! Here's wishing you and yours a 2008 filled with all the good things!
My Deep Dark Secret 2007 Mood: special Now Playing: Keely Smith
In light of the upcoming New Year, it's time for me to come clean on something. You know the proverbial clean slate and all that. So here you go....
My Deep Dark Secret Version 2007
I don't like James Blunt.
Seriously. I HATE James Blunt! His nasal whine is like a bucket of spoons being put through an industrial wood chipper! I'd rather listen to Kathy Griffin gargle maple syrup or stab myself in the eye with a trout than listen to him!
I know everyone loves him but he reminds me of Oasis AKA another British import that everyone seemingly adored on a large scale and I detested. I refer to this kind of music as "Whiney British Lads" unless it's Beck and then I refer to it as "Whiney German Lad" music.
Whew! Glad I got that off my chest! I think that has to be the lamest deep dark secret I've ever had. I'd better swing naked from a chandelier next year....kidding.
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Updated: Wednesday, January 2, 2008 5:44 AM NZT
These Are a Few of My Favorite Things Mood: happy Now Playing: Thelonious Monk
Here I sit, smug after Christmas. Not bad. Not bad at all. I am off to scrounge in the fridge for some ham or leftover breakfast casserole or grilled lemon pepper pork or....you get my drift but I wanted to take a brief moment and share some of my favs before the New Year.
These are a few of my latest and greatest ‘Favorite Things'....
The Daring Book for Girls by Miriam Peskowitz
Nintendo DS Lite
Fresh Cannabis Santal
Philosophy Amazing Grace Emollient
Brain Age 2
My new 28 bottle wine fridge (thanks sis!)
KEDJ (The Edge) Acoustic Christmas album
Votivo Aromatic Candle No. 19A Clean Crisp White
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Updated: Wednesday, January 2, 2008 5:50 AM NZT
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas Mood: lyrical Now Playing: Oh Holy Night
Merry Christmas from ‘everyone' here at Meg-O-Rama! If you do not celebrate Christmas, then happy whatever you do celebrate! If you're an agnostic or atheist and celebrate nothing more than a mocha frappucino at Starbuck's, I think you're stupid giving up an excuse for gifties! Well that and the universe is infintely greater than any one man's beliefs so better safe than sorry in my mind.
Anywho, here's to 2008 being a stellar year for everyone and best wishes for a presidential candidate from any party who I could actually be excited about supporting because right now, it's more a choice of what is the lesser of all evils. But that's just my opinion and admittedly, I have been known to be wrong....
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Sunday, December 23, 2007
All I Want for Christmas Mood: celebratory Now Playing: Rat Pack Christmas
Dear Santa,
I have been ‘good' this year. I know that being labeled ‘good' is not an objective process but I do feel that my behavior for 2007 definitely falls well within what would be considered ‘good', if not downright swell, by most of the general populace. That being said, here's my hit list for next week. Jot down some notes please will ya'?
Please bring me:
1. Remote control Sumo Wrestlers
2. Play-Doh scented perfume
3. A Dog the Bounty Hunter Chia pet
4. Another case of Pipeline Porter from Kona Brewery
5. An "I'm with the prude" t-shirt
6. The Best of the Muppet Show 15 DVD set
7. The Hilary Clinton nutcracker
8. Junior Lasik surgery kit
9. The Marie Antoinette Action Figure with Ejector Head
10. A one year subscription to the "Bacon of the Month Club"
11. A bumper sticker that says "Even my retarded dog beat up your honor student"
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Updated: Wednesday, January 2, 2008 5:55 AM NZT
Are you the next winner of Publisher's Clearing House Mood: d'oh Now Playing: Johnny Test (cartoon)
One time, I decided I was going to order a magazine from Publisher’s Clearing House. Don’t ask. I respond to all of their sweepstakes and for some reason, I was overwhelmed with guilt that I never bought anything from them.
Well, the purchase choices are rather limited unless you are a 67 yr old mid western house wife. I don’t need a battery operated ice scraper. I don’t want The Bible on 10 cds. I already have the fingertip personal massager. I decided that I’d order a magazine. You can always use another magazine! It’s bathroom fodder if nothing else or you do as I do and take a few months with you on business trips and read them on the plane.
So all I was all shades of excited to see my first edition of Marie Claire! The day came and in my mailbox was the highly anticipated issue! I whipped it out and opened it up and realized it wasn’t Marie Claire it was a copy of Maxim! What the…..?!
Long and short of it, apparently I marked the wrong box on the order form. Oops! Crap! Like I really wanted a subscription to Maxim! The articles aren’t nearly as good as those in Razor or Playboy and I don’t want subscriptions to those either! I just have no desire to try to cherry pick articles to read from out of where they have been shoehorned in between pics of naked chicks for the next 12 months! That’s why I totally LURVE Details as it has all the super cool articles, hip new artists, music, fashion, social issues, etc. and no nudie pics but I digress….
So the question begged to be asked—what would be the worst magazine subscriptions to get that you never really signed up for? What magazine would you never want to receive for 12 months?
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are experiencing technical difficulties Mood: on fire Now Playing: Deep Purple
Not sure what made the last post go all shades of verklempt on me, but Lycos is working on it.
Thanks for the emails about the issue with only being able to post one comment. Never really thought about anyone other than friends and family wanting to post so by al means, have at after they fix the solo post dealio.
Lucky Slice of SMILING BREAD rare WON?T MOLD Mood: silly Now Playing: Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
If I've said it once, I'll say it three thousand and five times: I LOVE EBAY! Seriously!
You really can find almost anything on eBay from plastic crab claw harmonicas to underage Pilipino houseboys. Does it get any better than this? Only at Home Depot but I digress....
So I'm trolling eBay other night finishing scads of last minute Christmas shopping when I came across the following which I submit for your bemused perusal:
"Lucky Slice of SMILING BREAD rare WON'T MOLD"
WHAT?!?!
My first thought was that I had stumbled across one of those fun poorly translated listings from China complete with lead based paint like:
"Most Honorable Father of Ancestor boy Real Russian you buy!" Or some other poorly worded random item....
But nooooo, it is exactly what it is. A piece of toast.
Hmmmmmm....why this surprises me, I don't know as you can find Jesus on a Poptart, Ghandi on a dartboard and a ham hock shaped like Marlon Brando's clavicle on eBay. I checked out some other weird foody listings like the pork rind shaped like an ‘S' (bidding is up to $6 on that one!) but none of them held my attention like the Lucky Slice of SMILING BREAD! Check it mang! Check it! I mean Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Mang! Only in America!
A Leetle Bit Hypochondriac Mood: special Now Playing: Kanye West
Marie Osmond may be a little bit country and her brother may be a little bit rock and roll, but I am definitely a little bit hypochondriac.
Now don't get me wrong. It's not an ongoing crisis deal that effects how I live. I don't think I have the Bubonic Plague on a regular basis.....more like an every few years basis. Just every now and then I become convinced that I may have some dread disease.
Perhaps it's because as a little child, my sister told me that gypsies left me in the trash and mom and pop were just fattening me up to eat me. Convenient if I could blame my ‘condition' on her, but most likely it's not due to the trauma she inflicted on me on an ongoing basis during our younger years lest we forget the story of Rafael Septian but I digress.
The first time I remember thinking I had a reason to contact the Centers for Disease Control was in 4th grade. My best friend, Kristen, invited me to go to Key Biscayne, FL, with her parents for vacation. We played on the beach and ran around from morning to night. It was a blast!
One morning, while brushing my teeth, I was horrified to notice that my skin looked kind of weird all shades of bubbly and grey. OH MY GOD!!!! I reached up with a shaking hand and touched a patch on my arm. I was beyond horrified to see it start to pull away!!!! I then pulled at it some more and the entire section came off in my hand!!!! I ran out of the bathroom crying!
I wouldn't calm down but then again, I wouldn't tell Kristen's parents what was wrong. I just kept crying and rocking like an unhappy autistic. Disturbed, they had me call my parents.
The phone call went a little like this:
Pop: Hello?
Me: Pop, it's me.
Pop: What's the matter?
Me: I have Leprosy!!!
Pop: What?!
Me: My skin's coming off! I'm worried my nose will fall into my Cheerios!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Pop: What?! Let me talk to Dr. Munsell! (Kristen's dad)
Dr. Munsell got on the phone and laughed as he told pop that no, I didn't have Leprosy, I had gotten a bad sunburn the first day there and I was now peeling.
Oops! Sunburn and subsequent peeling. Check! On the bright side, at least my nose never fell into my Cheerios and I was never sent away to an island to go live with the other slowly disintegrating lepers.
It didn't really happen again until college. One morning, after yet another wild night of partying, I woke up around 7am and wandered out to the kitchen. As I was standing at the sink getting a glass of water I looked out the window to the backyard and the entire yard was a blur of white! OH MY GOD! I was blind!!! I had alcohol poisoned myself into blindness! How on earth would I ever buy clothes and dress myself again!?! Would I have to get a handler much like Stevie Wonder? Hopefully one with better fashion sense....
I rubbed my eyes and tried to look again. I realized that I could see shapes but no colors! WAHOO!!! I wasn't blind! But I had apparently partied myself into color blindness! As I stood there overwhelmed by the sheer well overwhelmingness of the situation, I saw a sparrow hopping around the yard. Huh? If I was colorblind, how did I see that?
Upon closer inspection, I realized that I was not blind, colorblind or really anything other than just screamingly hungover and incredibly stupid. It had apparently snowed overnight in Tucson and, desert rat that I am, I hadn't recognized the snow for what it was.
Oops! Snow and a hangover. Check! Again, on the bright side, I can still watch Desperate Housewives and my sister will never dress me like Brittney Spears for her own amusement.
I have to say though I am getting better. Example? Just last week when I was sick, I had a temp of 102-103 and my neck hurt soooo fricking bad! As I lay on the couch suffering, I only briefly considered a diagnosis of meningitis. Briefly but not seriously. I mean, I didn't even Google it for more information....
Baby steps people! Baby steps!
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Updated: Wednesday, January 2, 2008 5:58 AM NZT
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Creeping Crud Mood: down Now Playing: John Mayer
I had seven strains of the creeping crud come through my house during Thanksgiving and I was rather certain that I had successfully bypassed the contagions when SLAM! WHAM! CRACK! I was down! We've got a piper down! So I have been guzzling Gatorade, hibernating like a fleece encrusted grizzly and feeling like ass. But not as asslike as I would have been if I hadn't started sucking down the oj and Zicam.
Ode to Zicam Multi-Symptom Cold & Flu
Zicam
You help me sleep
You take the aches away
You rock my world
And make it all better
However
"Virtually tasteless"
Is a horrific lie
Unless someone
Takes it
With Jagermeister!
My suggestion? Take it like a shot. Toss it back quickly and gulp down an oj chaser. <shudder!>
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Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Subject: Random Thoughts Mood: hug me Now Playing: Neil Diamond-Sweet Caroline
Subject: Random Thoughts Date: Wed, 21 Nov 2007 06:15:18 -0800 From: "Anthony"
To: "Meg-O-Rama"
(1) Happy Thanksgiving; Happy Birthday; Happy Happy; et al
(2) Did you think that Neil Diamond admitting that his song referencing touching, etc. was based upon his view of a 5 year old girl dressed in her riding togs with her pony was incredibly creepy and pedophilic?
Boots! Mood: d'oh Now Playing: Nelly Furtado - Powerless
The other night I'm watching Survivorman and he's stranded in Costa Rica (tough life) when he starts in about the importance of shaking out your boots to make sure no scorpions or other biting crawly things have slithered in overnight.
Makes sense to me. We have scorpions out here, it would be logical to shake out my muck boots each morning and make sure nothing nested in them prior to inserting my foot. Yep. Makes sense but will I ever remember to do it? Probably not.
So the next morning, I proved myself all too right. Do I remember to shake out my boots? Nope. I blindly stuffed my foot in and started to step down when I suddenly realized that my foot was not alone in my boot as something slithered across my foot!
Oh mang! I forgot to shake out my boots and now something's in my fucking boot!!!! It's a scorpion! I know it! I start screaming! "Oh no! No! No! No! No! No mutherfuckingscorpian!!!! NO!NO!NO!" then "Ohshitablackwidow! A brown recluse!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!''or something similarly worded as I don't have total recall of the traumatic event at this point.
I started hopping around wildly on one leg while trying to rescue my foot by pulling off the infested boot. It was a rather alarmingly realistic impression of a guineapig in a blender when I fell backwards onto the lawn. The boot came free! Hallelujah!!!!!
I flung the bug ridden boot over my head away from me and out flew the dreaded insect! I jumped up to get away and of course to see what I narrowly escaped death from, when I saw it! It was the dreaded and ever so deadly ‘do not eat' desiccant silica package that came in the boots when I bought them!!!!
Yeah.
On the bright side, no one else saw and I didn't get hurt.
It's All About the Jury Duty.... Mood: incredulous
"Daddy's a litigator. That's the scariest type of lawyer. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him. And daddy's so good he gets $500 to argue with people. But he argues with me for free because I'm his daughter."
- Cher, Clueless (1995)
Jury duty! Joy! I hate jury duty! It leaves me feeling totally conflicted! Part of me is SO not wanting to be there! What happens if I get on some horrific endless travesty/O.J.-esque trial of the Century?! The other part of me, junior couch detective/forensics whore, sooooo wants to be picked for some insanely intense case! Yup. Wants to.
So anywho, the call of the overcrowded justice system came and I answered.
It changed me forever. Seriously. As I looked around the room at the motley assortment of people who had apparently been shaken out of the local trailer park just hours before, all I could think was this was SO not a jury of my peers! All of them mindlessly engaged in the ever thrilling 15 minute DVD presentation of "How Our Judicial System Works" all nodding along and sometimes looking surprised as the content spun out. My peers? I think not! One girl was taking notes during the ‘3 branches of government' portion of the presentation. Hello! You might as well watch the opening to Law & Order! That broad was SO not my peer! Thank God I wasn't actually on trial! I probably would have tried to commit suicide with an Oreo Cakester!
My favorite potential jurist of the day was the freak who has set up a fortress on one of the tables in the jury waiting room. There she sat in her Halloween sweatshirt (mind you it was 90 billion degrees here) as we're having a minor heat wave) and her 8 trillion rubber bracelets for a rainbow of causes. I couldn't distinguish them after Breast Cancer (pink), Livestrong (yellow) and Be Green (green, go figure). I had no idea what the other ones were for. There were like 7 of them so perhaps they were the 7 Deadly Sins bracelets-tres popular outside of the Kabbalah movement! She had carefully set up wall of about 15 Sudoku books and a row of carefully lined up pens. Her age was indiscriminate but she had the face of a pissed off platypus--you know, kind of sour and all over the place. Combine it all with her big "BOO!" earrings and her shaved dog's ass hairdo and voila! 5 shades of crazy!
We had to fill out our juror forms and this cute little 20-something yute with a faux-hawk didn't bring a writing instrument. He leans over to ask Cause de Jour if he can borrow one of her dozen or so carefully lined up implements. He asked at least 3 times and she ignored him each and every time. He finally leaned over to pick one up and she reared back, all shades of furious, and smacked the crap out of his hand! He fell back apologizing and she went back to her puzzle. He looked over at me and I smiled and said "If you grab one and run, I'll totally block her." To which he cracked up. I gave him my pen and hung with him chatting for the next 3 hours until we were released.
I saved faux hawk from the crazy broad so as the video said, Jury Duty in Arizona-Make a Difference! Oh yeah I did!
Once Again, Who Are the Freakies in Your Neighborhood?. Mood: d'oh Now Playing: K T Tunstal
Soooo, recently I had a leetle shin ding at Casa de Megster. Not truly a house warming more like a late open house you know. My peeps came in from all over to attend. Total awesomeness!
One of my best friends from college (A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...) flew in from Dallas to attend. I grabbed her at Sky Harbor after arrival and we headed out for some bevs and noshes.
Long story short, we hit Rock Bottom Brewery for bar food, hand crafted beers, sports on t.v. and of course, the male of the species. For a chain restaurant, I totally lurve the place! Especially the outdoor patio and the hottie brewmasters but I digress.
So we were happily yacking, noshing and quaffing when I totally smack the guy behind me during my rather enthusiastic re-telling of the Edward Black divorce saga.
"Dude, seriously! His friends told him she was cheating on him and he didn't believe them! So his best friend had a serious come to Jesus talk with him and convinced him to get a PI. PI catches her and the cabana boy-has ‘em on video mind you-playing Mr. Muggles rides to tuna town. Does everyone have a porn out now? I mean seriously...the Long Island Lolita and her rather skanky and narfy husband and now this?"
It was during this rather passionate retelling that I cuffed poor Louis up side the head. In fact, I rather startled the whole table of guys in from Brazil and Argentina for a major corporate conference. So ‘perturbed' were they that they insisted on us joining them and proceeded to buy the beer. So of course, I liked them. Free beer=Good. Very Homeresque I know but oddly enough true!
Had a wonderful time talking world views, politics and the Paris Hilton sex tape (see, another one!). Besides my cousin is half Portuguese and worked in Sao Paulo for years and one of the guys, the yummy one Saulo, was from Sao Paulo too. So we have a blast and decide we need to bail home prior to the ‘you're stupid if you drive' level. Well it turned out in the exchange of goodbyes (we did business cards earlier) that poor, sweet smoking hot Saulo will be all alone as the rest of the guys are heading home Friday and he is here through Sunday so I invite him to my fiesta. It's just not American to leave handsome foreigners from acceptable countries to rot away in their hotel rooms when they can come be charming and hot at my house. I am trying to be a social ambassador for America. I have converted thousands....or at least hundreds of America haters. Hey, we're not all that bad. We're cool. You like us. We rock in small liquor fueled groups.
My sister completely freaked out when I told her this. She was all shades of "What if he kills us?" I look at her and I'm all shades of ‘Wiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. babe'? He's a sexy professional in for a conference not an ax murderer. What? He's going to kill everyone at the party? How? Spike the lemonade a la Jim Jones? So just don't drink the punch!
So it's the fiesta and I walked out front and saw Saulo pull up. Yep. Still lickably darling and carrying liquor-liked him even more! I went to greet him and he was acting kind of odd.
He proceeded to tell me that he got lost and went to the wrong house. He knocked on the door and "A man dressed like the Village People answered."
The Village People? Which one?
He replied "The cop"
Hmmmm...
"But you know ahhhh....without the pants." And does the hand gesture for no pants.
EEEK! Again, Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot?! No, I don't know "without the pants"!!!
Funnier yet, Saulo actually asked the partially nekkid faux peace officer if I was around (nice!) The guy said no and told Saulo I was in the same house one street over.
I puzzle it over and realize it must be drop dead gorgeous neighbor guy. Seriously. Really scrumptious. We don't speak really as he thinks he's too sexy for his shirt and he's just not that hot but anywho, he's my neighbor. Apparently one who enjoys impersonating a partially clothed member of a 1970s concept disco group at home.
Gotta rethink this whole thing now...luscious neighbor guy answering door ½ nekkid bespeaks of something I really don't want to hear about ya' know?
I think after the ‘experience', Saulo was a little nervous at my pad prolly wondering if it was the Den of Iniquity (not recently babe) but quickly realized the drinks were cold, the food and folks rocked. He had a blast and fit in fine with the gang and rolled back to Brazil with grand stories of Meg, casa de Megster and my neighbor on 68th Street with the interesting proclivities....
Now I'm wondering what the Hell else the other neighbors are doing behind closed doors? Starting to doubt it's all gardening and ESPN now!
PS-I said young man, you need to put on your pants!
The Tale of a Toy Hyena Mood: incredulous Now Playing: Blaqk Audio - Stiff Kittens
Saturday I'm ‘happily' shoveling horse poop when my hilarious neighbor Khrystal comes tooling down the alley with her latest rescue dog-a big Great Dane/black stranger mix. Now see, she puts me to shame. She has 5 dogs, 5 horses, goats, turtles and an emu-all rescues. I'm down to 2 dogs, 2 cats, 8 goldfish (RIP Spike and Mr. Benson) and a horse. Sounds much more manageable now doesn't it mom....but I digress. To fill you in on Khrys, she's hilarious! This is my neighbor most likely to be playing King of the Mountain for beer and bragging rights across the street on the neighbor's fill dirt pile. Yep. My type of neighbor-a totally cool chick.
So I ask Khrys how her menagerie is and she tells me she took her dog Becker to the Biltmore Fashion Square. The Biltmore, as it's referred to, is old school shopping and pet friendly to the socialites and soccer moms who frequent it. High end shops with lush gardenlike surroundings. A wonderful spot to window shop, day dream, hit Victoria's Secret, etc. The Biltmore is totally the place to see snotty rich broads with their carry bag dogs-AKA animessories (you know, they're animals-they're accessories).
This is not the place you bring your mutt dog that resembles the bastard offspring of a Chinese Crested naked dog and a bag of dried out winter mulch. Seriously. While Becker is the nicest little dog you'd ever want to meet in a dark alley, he also is one of the ugliest damn dogs I've ever seen. Ever. And I once saw a dog that looked like a cross between a bat and a Brillo pad. Again, seriously.
So there sat Khrys and Becker on a grassy patch when 3 older carefully Botoxed Wisteria Lane kind of gals came up to her just fluttering over Becker.
Blonde 1: What kind of dog is that?!
Khrys: He's a toy hyena.
Blonde 2: Really?! I've heard of those. Isn't the waiting list for one 5 years?
Khrys is acting all shades of conspiratorial now like she's telling them a major secret. She lowers her voice, leans in and whispers "Actually, I bought him on eBay and smuggled him in through Mexico." Looks all around like she's making sure no one was listening.
Blonde 3: I think that's how a gal at my club got hers! Or did she come in through Canada?
Blonde 2: What's his name?
Khrys: Sir Beckawalla Prime
Blonde 3: Oh my!
Khrys: It's his registered African name. We just call him Becker.
Blonde 1: Do Toy Hyenas bark much?
Khrys: Oh no! In fact they don't bark at all. They....yodel.
Blondes 1 & 3: Really!?
Blonde 2: I've heard that!
Khrys: Yep, really. Toy Hyenas are yodeling all over Africa as we speak. (Flings her arm out in a wide arc for drama)
Bynow, Becker realizes he's got a great thing going. All 3 of these women are making kissy sounds and petting him. He decides to further explore his relationship with Blonde 1 by wrapping his front legs around her in a dog hug.
Blonde 1: Oh look! He's hugging me!
Khrys: Oh yeah. Toy hyenas are known for hugging. Total huggers!
Blonde 2: I've heard that.
Khrys: Yep, all over Africa wild Toy Hyenas are yodeling and hugging and just happily living their furry lives roaming across the savannahs.
At that point, Khrys said she could no longer keep up the façade of the Toy Hyena and made excuses and kissy sounds and took off muttering to herself-Yeah-Toy Hyenas yodeling and hugging....
I wish I could be a fly on the wall when these gals tell others and it becomes an urban legend or worse yet, reality, ‘cuz people are really that stupid. Toy Hyenas!
You may be laughing now, but mark my words-they're coming!
silly
bright
special
happy
lyrical
celebratory
d'oh
on fire
down
hug me
cheeky
incredulous
lucky
cool
