A Day in the Life...
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: ABBA
It seems to me that Sam's Club has become the new singles pick up/meat market place (which deeply saddens me as I much prefer Home Depot).

So I was in Sam's Club today and I was perusing the healthcare aisles. I was stopped, reading the content of some soy meal replacement powder stuff when I spot this older guy checking me out. When I say older, I mean like 60s. Don?t get me wrong, he was a nice looking guy, kind of reminiscent of Blake Carrington in the early Dynasty years, but by nature, I am a cougar-I don?t do older. I especially don?t do older in a turtleneck and blazer?but I digress. Back to Blake. So he wanders up, flashes me a perfect veneered smile and says with one eyebrow raised ?So, do you enjoy that stuff?? I bit my tongue as any normal answer I would have made, would have been misconstrued as flirting or a demented version thereof. ?Err, not really.?

So I flash my best ?later!? smile and continue down the aisle eyes wondering the shelves, looking for replacement heads for my Sonicare toothbrush. ?Blake? once again appears at my elbow (like a fricking smoke ninja) startling me and says ?I have that same toothbrush!? Uh, yeah buddy. You, me and half the planet. What?s his point? That I can borrow his charger when I spend the night at his place? I am a very patient person, but I am starting to lose my patience...

To me there is nothing worse (ok, there are things that are worse, but not many) than someone desperately trying to come up with small talk for someone he/she don?t know. Especially when that someone is clearly giving off the ?go away old guy I?m soooooooooo not interested? vibe. If I didn?t want him commenting on everything I looked at (condoms, mouthwash, etc. yeah, I was hoping for a stellar weekend-right!) it was time to take drastic action.

As I am not good about being rude or mean, I thought long and hard (about 3.5 seconds) and decided that either I needed to start picking my nose, really digging in to the third knuckle or something else equally as drastic. That was when I spotted the magic box. I grabbed the 120 pack of Dulcolax Stool Softener (I don?t even want to know the wretched soul who buys these in bulk) and say ?Have you ever used these?? Blake?s eyes got kind of big and he stammered ?Uh, no, I haven?t.? and I replied ?They work like a charm, especially after a couple days of binge drinking.?

And boy, did they ever work like a charm! Blake stuttered ?Well, that?s good.? and made once again like a smoke ninja and quickly disappeared from view.

Where was Steven Daniel Carrington when I needed him?