I Can't Come in to Work 'Cuz...
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: Cowboy Junkies
I think we all tend to view sick days as extra vacation days. There are just some days when you don?t want to come to work. I refer to these as ?mental health? days.

Yesterday, my co-workers and I were discussing creative excuses for calling in to work. I find that the best ones adhere to the K.I.S.S. concept?Keep It Simple Stupid. However, we?ve had some true classics come out of our office. Some of them, scarily enough, were actually true.

Here are some of the ones that came out of our office:
?I was sprayed by a skunk
?I tripped over my dog and dislocated my shoulder (true, it happened to me)
?Constipation has made me a walking time bomb
?I'm still drunk from last night
?I hurt myself gardening
?My dog is having puppies and I need to help her
?I dropped a fire extinguisher on my foot and broke 2 toes (again, it happened to me)
?The springs on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out because the door won't open
?I had an asthma attack at my husband?s softball game
?My fish is sick and I need to take it to the vet
?The city is paving my street and I can?t get out! (Yes, once again, this actually did happen to me)

Recently MSN posted an article that had some classic ones:
?My bus broke down and was held up by robbers (Pretty desperate robbers)
?I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity (You must look a lot like your brother?)
?I was spit on by a venomous snake (Ewww! Snake spit!)
?A hit man was looking for me (Apparently, not a very proficient one)
?My cat unplugged my alarm clock (Those opposable thumbs make for serious kitty tom foolery!)
?I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial (Are you nuts?! Head to Belize with the cash while you still can)
?I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India (Let me guess, she?d always wanted to go there?)
?Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night (Yeah, and we know who that someone was wink, wink, nudge, nudge?)
?My monkey died (Yeah, I only wish!Look a few posts down for why...)

While creative, if you are going to go with unbelievable, just take the plunge and go with something totally outrageous. Here are some excuses that I have come up with that I would love to hear someone use?

?I was hauled off by white slavers? I narrowly escaped the life of a sex slave in Japan
?Martians landed in my yard and I got radiation poisoning
?I was posing for a nude portrait for my grandparents and lost track of time
?I was mugged by the Easter Bunny
?I am converting to Krishnaism and since it is the Maharishi Guru's birthday, I can't come in because I have to go to the temple to worship
?The whore I picked up kept me up all night and my knees hurt
?I got lost in Super Wal-Mart
?My horse was mauled by a mountain lion
?I tried to sneeze with my eyes open and my eyeballs fell out

And my personal favorite?The voices in my head told me to clean all the guns today.