I Hate Girly-Girls!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Buena Vista Social Club
There is just nothing quite so annoying to me as idiotic girly-girls. Perhaps it’s because, even with a lobotomy and a massive style makeover, I could never be one. I am just not built that way. It just requires far too much energy for me to play stupid. And why has it come to that anyway? Why does it seem like in order to be feminine you need to be a simpering and dim-witted girl instead of a woman? How did that crap come about? This is not to say that I am at all unfeminine as I have a collection of come fuck me shoes (CFMs) that would make Imelda Marcos weep like a little bitch in jealousy. What defines an idiotic girly-girl to me? Here are a few screaming clues:

Girls that refer to their parents as "Mommy" and "Daddy"

Girls who use the phrase “I think he’s ‘The One’” when referring to a guy they just went out on a first date with.

Girls who dot their ‘i’s with puffy hearts, smiley faces or anything that is not a dot.

Girls whose voices go up to preternatural levels when accosted with anything in miniature form.

Girls who think the only acceptable color palettes are in the pastel pink and baby blue families.

Girls whose bathrooms include any or all of the following: decorative/shaped guest soaps; guest towels that guests aren’t actually supposed to use (READ: white); anything that attempts to hide the extra roll of toilet paper in plain view; color matching potpourri (it’s a bathroom for cripe’s sake!); and finally, bride/wedding magazines.

Girls with an overly coordinated room. For example, the kitchen that is all color coordinated and matching. Oven mitts, trivets, salt & pepper shakers, spoon rest, utensil holders, carving board, dish towels, etc. in one theme, like the ever popular and ever horrid mad cow print.

Girls with more than 4 decorative pillows on their beds. (What are they for? Can you say time waster?)

Girls with stuffed animals on their beds. (What guy wants to go to town and have some truly insane circus sex with childhood loves Mr. Cuddles and Teddy Ruxpin watching?)

Girls who are only capable of ordering drinks or food which require extensive explanation to the server as to proper preparation. (E.g., When Harry Met Sally-READ: High Maintenance)

Girls who have a hope chest and are actively filling it with ‘treasures’.

Girl who speak in baby talk when they are not talking to a pet.

Girls who have ‘cute’ little pet names for EVERYTHING. (It's a fricking shot not a drinkie-poo)

Girls who have such an over blown sense of their own feminity that they are so girlie they dress like children. (Let’s remember that Little Bo Peep is only appealing to a certain portion of the male population—and one hopes it’s not because of the sheep…)

And let’s just throw this one out there for good measure: Any girl who isn’t sure if Chicken of the Sea is tuna or chicken…