All I Want for Christmas.... Mood: silly Now Playing: Best of Johnny Cash
I have tried really hard this year to be nice and not naughty. These efforts have failed rather miserably as I am naughty by nature (and why did that have to be a rap band with street cred’s name and therefore ruin my line? Hey! ho! Down with the O.P.P….)
The good news is that I am naughty in a fun/enjoyable bratty kind of way not a seriously wicked or evil way. To be quite honest, I just don’t have enough short term memory left after college to handle the machinations of true evil. WAY too much stuff to try to remember and I still can’t figure out where I hid some of the Christmas presents I bought earlier this year. You would think that would be hard to do in a 1600 sq. ft. house….but I digress.
So all that being said, I think I deserve some special goodies from Santa Babe this year. Here’s my short list of random wants as I really can’t concentrate any more to try to compile something longer.
What I want for Christmas this year
• Super powers • Black American Express card (if you have to ask, never mind) • An evening without dog farts • 60 inch flat screen tv….in every room of the house including the bathrooms and my walk in closet • My two front teeth—no really, I’ve knocked them out twice and the bonding is coming off • A bouncing, hydraulic, ‘vato’ gangster car complete with a chain steering wheel (the better to get my handcuffs around), a switchblade gear shift and a super cool flame paint job (I would look soooooooo cool as gangsta’ Meg!) • Stretch Armstrong and a scalpel (I told you I was naughty) • Life size Easter Island Tiki God thing or two (more impressive that way I think) • Medium-size catapult with a supply of things to fling—preferably melons and gourds • Suit of chain mail • WD-40 (for the chain mail of course—DUH!) • The Clapper (You know-clap on! Clap off! The clapper! NOT the other kind) • A cabana boy complete with optional knee pads • Trampoline shoes (seriously) • Life sized robot (Danger Meg Robinson—return to the ship!) • Hot pink footie jammies (the zip up one piece ones) • An empty can with a string attached to it that I can carry around and pretend is my cell phone • Tequila bandito bandolier (the shot glass shoulder holder thingy (technical term) that shot broads wear in bars) • Vegas show girl headdress to wear to the grocery store-must be ginormous and horribly garish (are there any that aren’t?) • Monica Lewinsky bobble head doll (isn’t that an oxymoron?) • Potato gun (AKA spud mother) • Finger puppets (an assortment of characters is fine) • Leather Twister game mat (none of your beeswax!) • A Peacock
Whew! I think that about covers it. Any combination of the above would make for a super cool Meg-O-Rama Christmas! Certain combinations could make for a unbelievably fricking stellar Meg-O-Rama Christmas!
Here’s wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blissful Kwanzaa, Exultant Solstice, Joyous Yule, etc. If I overlooked your religious beliefs, or the lack thereof, I apologize. Yeah, not really. I am beyond sick of all of this PC shit with holidays.
If you run into me on the street, I will wish you a Merry Christmas, against your will if necessary, because I’m Methodist and that’s what we do….
silly
