Meg-O-Rama...The Blog

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Log in Entries by Topic All topics « Visit us too! Click here to catch me on Twitter bitches! Meg-O-Rama the old home page		Meg-O-Rama...The Blog Comments? Snark? Hate Mail? Click here and email me Sunday, January 1, 2006 Am I too Drunk to Drive? AKA Call a Cab Dillhole Mood: party time! Now Playing: Janis Joplin I pretty much encourage everyone to drink and drink often and as New Year’s Eve is tonight and I still feel like ass, I thought I would share with you some signs that you may be too ‘abbreviated’ to drive. As New Year’s Eve is rank amateur hour, don’t be a fool and drink and drive. No one wants to start the New Year in the can with a bunch of syphilis infected hookers and vomiting college kids (sometimes the same thing). It just doesn’t bode well for a stellar ’06 now does it? Here are some signs that you are too drunk to drive. Call a cab dillhole! •Talking way louder than normal. Stray dogs in the Philippines heard you tell your story about sneaking into the Pernod Rock Festival in ’89. Your own jokes make you laugh like a psychotic hyena. Call a cab dillhole! •Slurring like a fucking retard. Drinking stuff you wouldn't normally touch like gin, or say Puro, because it’s there. Obese and slovenly members of the opposite sex are starting to look reeeaaally good to you. Call a cab dillhole! •You are calling all females in your line of sight sluts and whores (regardless of your sex). Call a cab dillhole! •Standing, walking, and breathing require intense concentration and/or help from a wingman/winggal. Call a cab dillhole! •Nothing you say makes any sense as you are speaking fluent ‘drunkenese'. Call a cab dillhole! •Telling all of the random strangers in the room how very, very much you love them. Call a cab dillhole! •Vomiting, heroic or otherwise. Call a cab dillhole! •Whoa tiger! Total loss of control as you attempt to mount a harmless houseplant. Call a cab dillhole! •Wetting/shitting your pants is in the offing (pun intended). Call a cab dillhole! •If you are a guy, you are dirty dancing with a teenage transgender Latino ‘girl’; if you are a gal, you are dirty dancing as the filling sandwiched between two white trash cheeseballs with pencil mustaches and NBA jerseys. You do not want to have to introduce yourself to any of these folks in the morning when you are wondering where the Hell you are. Call a cab dillhole! •Dancing a la Paris Skank Hilton on any surface that was not originally intended for dancing (e.g., table top, toilet seat, bar stool, Greek billionaire’s face, etc. Call a cab dillhole! The key to remember? If your friends really loved you, they would already have taken your drunk ass home and put you to bed on your stomach, not your back, to prevent you from choking on your own vomit and dying like Hendrix and a few other drunken 60's music idols. Great way to start the New Year Skippy…. Posted by azcoolchick0 at 5:21 AM NZT \| Post Comment \| Permalink Updated: Sunday, January 1, 2006 6:23 PM NZT Newer�\|�Latest�\|�Older