Mood:  silly

When I was a kid, everything just seemed way more intense than it does today. Ice cream was colder, thunder was louder, fireworks were more interesting, Red Hots burned hotter when you stuck them in your nose, the night sky glowed brighter, Judy Blume's crotch novels seemed smuttier, etc.  Maybe part of it was that things were different in those days. We were more carefree as kids. We hadn’t lost our innocence or ignorance to the greater dangers and shitiness of the world we live in and life in general. I didn’t worry about what eating something might do to my cholesterol….or that if I went riding for five hours I might be too sore to function the next day….or that if I climbed the Eucalyptus tree I had a chance of falling out and getting hurt.   

I was daring in those days and never worried about the ramifications of my actions. I was invincible! I was going to grow up and be a pirate in spite of my father telling me there wasn’t much job security in being a pirate nor much of a demand for one. I was apparently ahead of my time as Johnny Depp’s pulling in a pretty good living being a pirate…. So I changed my life ambitions. I was going to grow up and be a marine biologist. I researched it for hours and hours on end. I was certain that I was going to attend Scripts Institute and become Meg Cousteau, a major player in the undersea world. That probably would have been a plan if it hadn’t been for one small little problem—I’m rather intimidated by the ocean and completely freaked out by the concept of scuba diving. Give me a snorkel and let me float, or give me a one way ticket to death via a scuba tank is pretty much my motto so that was the end of that dream. Next career ambition? Rock star! Now, I consider myself a rockstar, as do others, just not in the actual vocal department. Considering that I have the vocal abilities God bestowed on a small houseplant that was a joke! When I sing, dogs in Third world countries howl for me to stop. It’s that bad! 

I never considered the dreams or ambitions that were typical to most children being so abbynormal myself. I never wanted to be a ballerina as I know my limits and coordination is the first limit I come to after lack of vocal abilities. I never wanted to be a firefighter as I just wanted to have a lifetime of drooling over them. I never wanted to be President because even at 6 years of age I knew that someday I would have far too many skeletons in my closet to run as, whether I knew it then or not, I would eventually inhale at least several times.  

Today my continued recklessness is not born of desperateness. Instead, it is a small leftover pocket from more carefree times. Times when I could, and would, amuse myself for hours with a bowl of hard candy and never worry about destroying the bonding on my front teeth from the first or second time I knocked them out. When I didn’t worry so much about hurting myself, as I bounced back rapidly from injury unlike today. It comes not from an inability to grow up but rather a lack of desire to do so.    

What can I say? To paraphrase Lewis Carroll, it's beneficial to your health to try and believe a few impossible things before breakfast. I don’t want to grow up or dream it’s over….someday I will be a walrus trainer at Seaworld or a world renowned master of ro-sham-bo (rock, paper, scissors)….if only in my own mind.