Mood:  d'oh

I've been feeling like total snarg lately. Finally started feeling better Monday and went out for a little bit of fresh air.

I think I might have overdone it just a tad, as this morning I was feeling rather puny again. Took a lukewarm shower and still had to hang out under the fan to cool down. Definitely still running a wee bit of a fever but made it to work to pound through some stuff. Yeah me! Just had to crank the air in the car to the ‘ludiculously cold' level in order to get there without dying en route. Set my office to 70 degrees, turned on my fan and dug in-MELTING! Managed to make it through to almost 2pm but lunch did me in.

Lunch being fresh clam chowder from The Fish Market. It's sooooo good! Yummy! But I know. No, really I know. What a total maroon I am! What kind of fucktard sucks down clam chowder when a) feverish; b) chock full of grape Gatorade; and c) it's your first meal of the day Well, that would be me.

Funny that it wasn't the chills or the low grade fever that did me in. It was the chowder. She was done in by chowder...dun, dun, duhhhhhh (dramatic music) Only me.

I seriously got the ‘urps', burps and rumble gut.

Never good signs as I'm just not a good vomiter. I know that some people make an art of it but seriously, I wig out. I always think that I'll choke to death while vomiting....ending up like a so-less-famous-non-drunken-white-female-Hendrix or something. Shudder. I always panic when I throw up so I really try to avoid it at all costs hence why I don't listen to Nickleback.

It's rather hilarious as I am great in most crisis. I don't panic. Solid as a rock. In the four years I lived in helLA I went through all kinds of wacky crap.

-I was downtown when the LA riots broke out
-I missed the Sepulveda Dam Basin flood by a few feet (Hurrah for gut instinct that)
-I was held up at gun point
-I was in the 2nd hardest hit neighborhood outside of the epicenter of the Northridge quake
-I was attacked by a dog and got a wad of stitches in my ass-it's not like the cartoons where the dog is hanging off you; teeth kind of go through flesh like....butter.

I was in a car accident while dropping a co worker off and he was completely freaked out by how calm I was. He thought I was in shock-hilarious! He couldn't believe how matter of fact I was, but it was an accident. It happens you know? All the time recently or so it seems but as usual, I digress.

So anywho, let's just say if your intestines fall out, I'm your gal. Alien pops out of your chest? I'll get the shotgun and the gauze. You crap your pants in the home? I'm there buying you bigger Depends. You vomit-you are SO on your own no matter how much I love you! Sorry!

Otherwise, we're both vomiting and where's the fun in that really?

I can't deal with my vomit....or yours....or anyone else's. Much like the ‘Vomelet' skit in Jackass, nasty that, I vomit when others do.

So I almost made it all the way home today. Almost being the optimal word in that sentence.

I got about 15 minutes from home when I lost my battle against the Technicolor yawn. I managed to pull into a Cricket store and yorked my guts out in their shrubbery. Sorry about the parking lot chum folks but better your hedges than my car say I.

I was so freaked out! Not only the actual choking portion of the program but the ‘I'm going to choke and die' paranoia and then add in public barfing close to home. Hell of a triple play!

Needless to say, I haven't been that freaked since a mouse dropped off of my sun visor falling past my eyes onto my mini skirted lap while I was driving and I almost rolled my Jeep. (Long story for another time)

I made it home and immediately rinsed and brushed and rinsed and brushed and....you get the idea.

Why is it that's it's never as good coming up as it was going down?