Mood:  silly

So the other evening I am curled up in bed with a really good book. All bedded down for the evening. Lights out. Doors locked. Fur de-collared. Just me and my book and my bedside lamp. Sigh. Lovely.

And then Kato starts up with his ‘strange dangerous noise’ look. You know the one. The one the dogs are supposed to be giving me. Yeah, that one. I go to terror level yellow and hazard a look around to identify the source of his sudden concern. Nothing.

I go back to reading and again he goes on alert as do I. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Is it something outside? I can’t quite figure it as I hear nothing. Silence.

I slowly go back to reading when suddenly, something whizzes by between my face and the book. Something winged by in that 6” gap fast enough to elude a cat and to send me into histrionics! I jumped out of that bed faster than Amy Wine-o onto some heroin biscuits. Ran all through the house screaming. Not at all sure why. Just freaked the fecking fuck out of me for some random reason!

I sneak cautiously back to my room to see.

HOLY MOTHER OF ASS! It’s like the biggest fecking cockroach I’ve ever seen! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nasty! I take out spiders and praying mantis and a whole passle of other bugs. Cockroaches are not on the ‘Megs as Benevolent Benefactor’ list. They are on the ‘Die Dirty Bitch Die!’ list. And it’s on the wall above my bed! I’m going to have to smack it hard enough to stun it or it’ll drop and get under the bed!

I jump on my bed, grabbing my book to smack the snarg out of it when I realize I am about to use a loaned library book! Quelle horror! Nooooooo! Especially as I’m still reading it and there could be collateral damage in the form of bug guts and crusty stuff.

Hmmmmmm….think. What book to sacrifice as I’ll never read it again…..Ah! Dean Koontz! One read and I’m done. Plot is too specific not to remember so they’re solo reads--nothing I ever invest in. I run back to grab one.

I jump back up on the bed, draw back hard like I’m bowling for Wii (fractured my thumb last time), and was suddenly flying backwards off the bed in a less than graceful triple firkin. Completely overshot the landing and ended up head first in my dresser. Only to be further humiliated as the rest of the stuff on the dresser including bronze candleholders fell onto my head. Apparently in my zeal for a high hard backhand slash, I caught my hand and the sacrificial book in the steadily zipping ceiling fan blades, went off balance and was flung off the bed. Well done me!

I look up to see the roach laughing at me on the wall. Bastard.

I jump back onto the bed. Yes, I turned off the ceiling fan first. I’m not a total idiot. Shut up sis.

I smack it hard and it drops. I am on it! Crushing it with the book. The nasty thing wouldn’t die! I kept trying to crush it without carpet squishidge but it just kept laughing at me! Finally took a huge ball of tp and picked him up and flushed. I swear the cheeky bastard flipped me off as he circled away out of sight.

Needless to say, I was amped beyond amped and couldn’t go to sleep…shudder! Still gives me the big ole heebies just in the retelling! Shudder!