What idiot let you on the road?
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: Dork Country Favorites Mix
Do you ever wonder if some --oh hell, I'll just say it-- a large portion of our fellow drivers took a double toke on a crack pipe before venturing onto the local highways and byways?

I am a patient person (just ask anyone who knows my ex husband), but I swear there are days when I just don't seem to have enough middle fingers to deal with it all. I constantly find myself wondering if I am the only person, in what basically amounts to a 1-ton or greater mobile weapon of death and destruction, who knows how to operate a turn signal or understands the three second rule. (I bet you are asking yourself now what that is...)

I have realized that many of the driver stereotypes are solidly grounded in reality. Apparently most women drive like they have sex--with little imagination or attention to the act itself. The majority of men who drive giant pick up trucks are indeed compensating for being hung like Dachshunds. Those people with the Jesus fish all drive like total idiots--apparently they feel the big "JC" has them covered. Then, there are the minivan drivers who suffer from the delusion that their vehicles have no accelerators. The worst though are the old people. If all you can see of the driver ahead of you is a set of bird claws clamped in a death grip on the steering wheel of a land yacht, you are behind a 3' 5" rapidly shrinking senior citizen who thinks he/she is off to play canasta at the local Moose Lodge in Coral Gables...never mind the fact that in reality, he/she is tooling around Arizona.

While some people on the road piss me off more than others, I am starting to understand road rage in a way I never thought I would. I also am coming to a greater understanding on a daily basis of why I should probably not buy a handgun and if I do, why I should NEVER, EVER allow it to enter my vehicle...unless I have an excellent criminal defense attorney and a wad of bail money available.