UK Group Warns Christmas Parties Can Damage Your Health
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: Jimi Hendrix
Britain's Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) is warning office workers that Christmas parties can damage their health.

My first thought was "Oh, joy, office Christmas parties cause cancer" but I was wrong as office parties apparently still are one of the few things that do not currently cause cancer, but hey, that could change.

Recently, RoSPA joined English trade unions in issuing workers guidelines to follow for a safe and accident free office celebration. Now where's the fun in that? Nothing says successful office party like someone losing an eye...or two.

The message from RoSPA is basically: resist the temptations presented at office parties as most of them are just misbegotten attempts to amuse coworkers. Well no duh! Why the hell else would someone...oh wait, alcohol. Nevermind.

"Dancing on desks could do them and you a lot of damage," they said. "Likewise, the boardroom table is meant for weighty documents, not overweight executives." Hey now, that's getting personal...and it's just plain mean! That Ethiopian VP of sales is positively slender...

They also warn that the urge to photocopy body parts may result in disaster if the copier plate breaks and the wanna be copy-ee gets glass in "uncomfortable places". Uncomfortable places? Can they be more specific? Is that in your arse? In your twipee? In your tonsils? Where? I would hazard to guess that would depend on what body part(s) you and those assisting you were trying to copy. Apparently it is just issued as a general safety warning.

According to RoSPA candles, flaming Christmas puddings (and what the holy hell are those anyway?!) and cigarettes also should be avoided at all costs. Is it just me or doesn't something named `Flaming Christmas Pudding' sound like an item to be avoided without well intentioned advice being given? They also suggest that stepladders, not swivel chairs, should be used to hang tinsel and mistletoe, which of course should not be hung near sources of heat. Are these guys full on party poopers or what? Where is the sport in that? You have to admit, it's just not a holiday party (to use the PC term) unless something or someone catches fire...if only briefly.

They also recommend keeping a close eye on those who may drink too much as alcohol makes some people aggressive rather than friendly. No! Oh that's a shocker--a mean drunk? Say it isn't so...is that drunk/aggressive/mean like Dan Akaroyd in Trading Places hiding a smoked salmon filet in his shirt or drunk/aggressive/mean like Billy Bob Thornton in The Bad Santa kicking the midget elf in the balls?

While some would call them killjoys or losers with no sense of fun, RoSPA claims they are only trying to help.

Leave it up to the Brits to take the fun out of everything...