Mood:  silly

 So I get a text from my buddie Josh (below)....

"Just had my registration to Match.com denied. One of the questions was 'What do you like in a woman?' Apparently 'my cock' isn't an acceptable answer."

My friends rock....

Mood:  sad

He would have been 45 this year. Noticed the past tense there eh? One of my dearest friends. Like a brother to me since I was twelve and a part of our family.

They say that time heals all wounds but I don't agree. I think that there are some things in life you go through that you get past but you never truly get over. His suicide was one of those things for me.

A piece of me died that day I found him on that mountain. It left a hole in my heart that scabbed over but will never truly heal. Seriously. How does one really ever get over something like that? Finding your best friend dead. It changes who you are and completely changes your priorities, your preconceived notions, even your own belief system. The ‘would have, should have, could have's can cripple you and did me for a time.

It's been 7 years now since that devastating day and still a piece of me aches for his loss.

You are greatly missed bro but I still see you in every rainbow....

Mood:  cheeky

So if you haven't heard, quirky rockers Devo are suing the ginormous fast food chain McDonald's over the use of the band's likeness in what is apparently a NOT so Happy Meal toy. As I am an avid Devo fan - go boys go!!!!

Mood:  quizzical

Why is it that everyone sees Jesus or the Virgin Mary in everything? Why doesn't anyone ever list an Elvis potato chip on eBay? Or a Marilyn Monroe bagel? Or the pita toast that looks like George Clooney? I'd pay to see the image of Scooby Doo in lime Jello...

Mood:  d'oh

When you are flipping channels and come across the trainwreck that is Dog the Bounty Hunter on Family Feud it’s bad enough. Then add in that he says next “….and this is my 9th daughter who just turned 21”, it’s really hard not to throw up in your mouth a little! Completely gack I tell you!

Dog and his icky classless family? Once again, certain people should never, never be allowed to breed. Let’s go with this rule of thumb: If you would be more interesting as a Chia pet, you should never breed!

The man has taken the once revered mullet to a place, a level really, that it wasn’t designed to withstand. I mean seriously. How does it hold? At what velocity would it finally sway? Bend? How fast would it burn do you think? The man needs to be labeled a fire hazard with all those petrochemicals holding up his wind resistant coif.

And to boot? The ‘Serious in the front’ portion is a joke on that man! It looks like he’s sporting that old mangy 300 brazillion year old orangutan from Smoky and the Bandit on his cranium! 

I would like to put forth legislation that requires everyone who is ever on a reality show be condemned together to a technology-free tropical island for the rest of the lives.

Who am I kidding? I’d watch it! What a trainwreck!

Mood:  mischievious

So speaking of irreverent art? This is my current fav....

I mean really, how can you not love Charlie the Tuna?  Seriously. Talking tuna. Every man's worst nightmare.... *giggle*

Mood:  silly

So the other evening I am curled up in bed with a really good book. All bedded down for the evening. Lights out. Doors locked. Fur de-collared. Just me and my book and my bedside lamp. Sigh. Lovely.

And then Kato starts up with his ‘strange dangerous noise’ look. You know the one. The one the dogs are supposed to be giving me. Yeah, that one. I go to terror level yellow and hazard a look around to identify the source of his sudden concern. Nothing.

I go back to reading and again he goes on alert as do I. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Is it something outside? I can’t quite figure it as I hear nothing. Silence.

I slowly go back to reading when suddenly, something whizzes by between my face and the book. Something winged by in that 6” gap fast enough to elude a cat and to send me into histrionics! I jumped out of that bed faster than Amy Wine-o onto some heroin biscuits. Ran all through the house screaming. Not at all sure why. Just freaked the fecking fuck out of me for some random reason!

I sneak cautiously back to my room to see.

HOLY MOTHER OF ASS! It’s like the biggest fecking cockroach I’ve ever seen! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nasty! I take out spiders and praying mantis and a whole passle of other bugs. Cockroaches are not on the ‘Megs as Benevolent Benefactor’ list. They are on the ‘Die Dirty Bitch Die!’ list. And it’s on the wall above my bed! I’m going to have to smack it hard enough to stun it or it’ll drop and get under the bed!

I jump on my bed, grabbing my book to smack the snarg out of it when I realize I am about to use a loaned library book! Quelle horror! Nooooooo! Especially as I’m still reading it and there could be collateral damage in the form of bug guts and crusty stuff.

Hmmmmmm….think. What book to sacrifice as I’ll never read it again…..Ah! Dean Koontz! One read and I’m done. Plot is too specific not to remember so they’re solo reads--nothing I ever invest in. I run back to grab one.

I jump back up on the bed, draw back hard like I’m bowling for Wii (fractured my thumb last time), and was suddenly flying backwards off the bed in a less than graceful triple firkin. Completely overshot the landing and ended up head first in my dresser. Only to be further humiliated as the rest of the stuff on the dresser including bronze candleholders fell onto my head. Apparently in my zeal for a high hard backhand slash, I caught my hand and the sacrificial book in the steadily zipping ceiling fan blades, went off balance and was flung off the bed. Well done me!

I look up to see the roach laughing at me on the wall. Bastard.

I jump back onto the bed. Yes, I turned off the ceiling fan first. I’m not a total idiot. Shut up sis.

I smack it hard and it drops. I am on it! Crushing it with the book. The nasty thing wouldn’t die! I kept trying to crush it without carpet squishidge but it just kept laughing at me! Finally took a huge ball of tp and picked him up and flushed. I swear the cheeky bastard flipped me off as he circled away out of sight.

Needless to say, I was amped beyond amped and couldn’t go to sleep…shudder! Still gives me the big ole heebies just in the retelling! Shudder!

Mood:  on fire

So as I've said recently, back into fine form and raring! WAHOO! Feeling normal again or as normal as I ever do! Blood pressure is down, not perfect but stable. I'm sleeping without pills. All tests are coming back cool and I'm feeling like Megalicious again! Back to being all shades of creative and happy instead of stressy and crazy in the bad way.

I've started painting on canvas lately. Totally new concept for me so some rock, some suck and some are simply listed as collateral damage. I seem to be on a religious icon jag lately. Not suprising as I find religious imagery interesting. That's the best thing about Catholicism in my mind--milagros and gold frames. Otherwise it's just a valid clinical research study on the stupidity of organized religion....but I digress.

Anywho, below is the latest. It's a play on words from the old Judy Blume book "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" ....

Mood:  happy

So here's some more pictures....

Here is close up detail of Church of the Rant. Some of you have asked if it's a religious piece. No, it's not. I would say rather it's more irreverent as it's made up of random bits of detritus AKA recycled culture like beer caps, bullet casings and a Crown Royal cap.

Here is 'Me, Myself & I' hanging on the wall at Casa de Megster...

And here is the new piece 'Words' I started on last night....

And closer up detail....

Mood:  cheeky

Several of you have asked for the latest Google searches that brought the unwashed mass of disappointed bastards to Meg-O-Rama so as not to find what they were sooooo hoping they would. My only comment? Not nearly as freaky as usual. In fact, I'm rather disappointed at the banality. Boo that! Step it up! Make me proud! Bring on your freak! *giggle*

So here are the latest....

Tattoo of Chester cheetah (Why?)
Dunk tank strip cold wet nipple (Can you win a goldfish after?)
George Padron excavating Yuma (that man makes a fine tequila!)
Megs big titti from Family Guy (demented)
Small dick (typical)
Movie quotes Brad frothy beverage (Brad?)
Pictures of midget penises (brought to you by...Meg-O-Rama)
Steering with her knees/breast (talented)
Tetanus shot pain story (Been there, done that, got the t-shirt)
Paltrow Great Expectations panty (Old lady knickers? EWWWWW!)
Penises (Nice!)
What is a Triskelian (a tattoo on my backside...somewhere)
Keanu message La Jolla (WTF?)

Notice lots of penis searches. Again, in light of that, I think my decision not to shake hands....for the best.

Mood:  chillin'

I was totally jamming on a new piece the other night when my neighbor knocked on the door. My hot neighbor. My hot cool neighbor. My hot cool….very married neighbor. It’s not quite as good as if Harry Dean Morgan moved in now that he’s single, but hey, my neighbor’s a super cool guy.

So I swung open to greet.

“Hey neighbor wazzup?”

And he said hey and then it all went down hill from there. He won’t meet my eyes. And when he managed to, he’d just stare at me like I was speaking monkeynese or something. Rather like when I observe Maury and realize that I still can’t speak trailer park in spite of repeated low brow watchings…

Then I realized it’s not that he won’t meet my eyes, it’s that he’s apparently having a hard time looking up from the girls. Yup. He’s just staring at the ta-tas. Come in Tokyo!

“Soooo….wassup”

He can barely drag his eyes up to mine. I raise a brow….just one. You know the look.

He starts stammering.

“Meg, I’m really sorry but I just can’t look away! It’s soooo distracting!”

Erm….what?!

He just stared pointedly at my chest.

Whiskey! Tango! Foxtrot! So I looked down only to realize that I had apparently leaned in just that bit too close to the current piece I’m working on and I had turquoise nipples. Nice iridescent turquoise nipples. Yeah. I was in an ancient white AC/DC wife beater and sporting wet paint splotted boobage. Nice.

Casa de Megster….Making the ghetto more colourful since 2006

Mood:  energetic

I'm sooooo jamming though art!!! LOVING IT!!! Doing a collection called 'Meg-O-Rama' (go figure right?!). The first piece is the one in the previous entry called 'Church of the Rant' now this one 'Me, Myself & I) and I started a 3rd canvas last night called "Part of the Solution or Part of the Problem'. WAHOO!!! WAHOO!!! Creative juices are pumping!!!!God I hope they don't stain the carpet....*giggle*

Mood:  surprised

Why is it that some folks always seem to think everything is about them? They can know me and read something contained herein and assume it's about them even though it's not. The names are changed for many reasons many of which are from a long time ago and I no longer remember exactly but I digres....

So just in case you think something is about you a la Carly Simon, here's your disclaimer:

Content on Meg-O-Rama....the blog, contains truth, fact, fiction and out and out lies. Depictions of public figures are for satirical and humor value only and are not intended to slander or insult. The aim is to amuse and poke fun, not publish libel. All other figures, unless specifically noted as real, are fictional characters or composites of several people or fictional composites of several people. Any likeness or similarity that they may have to persons living or dead is just simply a hinky coincidence. Really.

Additionally, some things are massaged and manipulated like a container of Silly Putty and are used for satirical effect. Any similarity of fictional quotations to actual statements is accidental and coincidental but does the job.

We now return to our regular programming...

Mood:  cheeky

These are the things that are currently making my heart go *giggity, giggity*....

Crush: Hell Boy
Read: A Star Called Henry
Concert Experience: Death Cab For Cutie
Awesome Old Movie Re-Watch: Tank Girl
New Art: Church of the Rant (below)

Mood:  happy

One of the things I rather enjoy about Casa de Megster is the seasonal urban wildlife.

I love seeing what comes through town on winter and summer migrations. The Great Horned Owls arrive in the fall and depart in late March. The Starlings take over the Mulberry tree from January to late June. Rainy season brings boatloads of geckos. And every Spring, 'Bumble' arrives.

Yes, as in a bee.

He's huge and cool looking but runs into things. It's kind of like watching a blimp flown by drunken midgets. All over the place!

So I nicknamed him 'Bumble' very original, I know. But it turns out 'Bumble' is not a Bumble bee. He's a Carpenter bee.

I now call him 'Jaysus'....

Mood:  mischievious

So mom tracks me down at work. Whenever she calls the office, it’s just never good. I know it’s going to be 12 shades of drama….at least! And have I mentioned how much I despise drama? Exactly. I am not down with the drama! Especially right now….just say noooooooooooo!

“Hi sweetie. I won’t keep you long because I know how busy you are so I promise I’ll just keep you a minute. I just wanted to let you know that I’m out of the hospital and I’m okay.”

Wait. What?

“Mom, I didn’t know you were in the hospital.”

“Well, I didn’t want to worry you dear.”

Hmmmmm….sure you didn’t that’s why you’re calling me now.

I know I sound horrid, but you have no idea! Even Peter never cried wolf this often! Rule of thumb? All stories will be greatly embellished, not based on fact or outright and rather outlandish lies. It makes for better drama don’t you know. You always have to take it worth a grain of salt, do a couple of ‘poor babies’, cluck and sympathize….all while trying not to chuckle. Humor is the only way to deal as I refuse to be dragged into drama whether real or fig newton….

So long dramatic story short? She’s anemic so Pops got her some iron chew toys and apparently, all is well. Hurrah!

Mood:  not sure

Why is it when the last thing you can even imagine is flirting with anyone it seems that everyone is all flirty-flirty with you? It rains, it pours and all I want to do is go stomp in my puddles in peace….alone.

Don’t get me wrong, some of them are intriguing. Oh so intriguing. But I just don’t have the energy, desire or heart to deal right now. I got nothing. Zilcho (which is a brazillion times more than zilch).

I mean seriously. I’m still sweeping up the pieces here. Just found a piece I missed under the dining room table the other day. Hope the dogs haven’t made off with random bits as that’s always problematic….and rather gross.

Going to put all the pieces I manage to find into a jar and stick it on the top shelf and forget about it for a while. At some point, I’ll take it down and put the pieces back together again with some Bond-o and epoxy.

It’s going to be a long while before I offer up the imperfect reconstruction…..

Copyright ©2005-2008 kisore

Mood:  lucky

Well it's a good thing I was feeling rather puny and skipped out on a 3-day weekend at the lakehouse.

Apparently the cold snap Arizona suffered last week which took Phoenix to an oh so balmy 65 degrees dropped 6-8" of snow in Pinetop/Lakeside.

Nothing like snow....in Arizona....in late May!

Mood:  d'oh

I've been feeling like total snarg lately. Finally started feeling better Monday and went out for a little bit of fresh air.

I think I might have overdone it just a tad, as this morning I was feeling rather puny again. Took a lukewarm shower and still had to hang out under the fan to cool down. Definitely still running a wee bit of a fever but made it to work to pound through some stuff. Yeah me! Just had to crank the air in the car to the ‘ludiculously cold' level in order to get there without dying en route. Set my office to 70 degrees, turned on my fan and dug in-MELTING! Managed to make it through to almost 2pm but lunch did me in.

Lunch being fresh clam chowder from The Fish Market. It's sooooo good! Yummy! But I know. No, really I know. What a total maroon I am! What kind of fucktard sucks down clam chowder when a) feverish; b) chock full of grape Gatorade; and c) it's your first meal of the day Well, that would be me.

Funny that it wasn't the chills or the low grade fever that did me in. It was the chowder. She was done in by chowder...dun, dun, duhhhhhh (dramatic music) Only me.

I seriously got the ‘urps', burps and rumble gut.

Never good signs as I'm just not a good vomiter. I know that some people make an art of it but seriously, I wig out. I always think that I'll choke to death while vomiting....ending up like a so-less-famous-non-drunken-white-female-Hendrix or something. Shudder. I always panic when I throw up so I really try to avoid it at all costs hence why I don't listen to Nickleback.

It's rather hilarious as I am great in most crisis. I don't panic. Solid as a rock. In the four years I lived in helLA I went through all kinds of wacky crap.

-I was downtown when the LA riots broke out
-I missed the Sepulveda Dam Basin flood by a few feet (Hurrah for gut instinct that)
-I was held up at gun point
-I was in the 2nd hardest hit neighborhood outside of the epicenter of the Northridge quake
-I was attacked by a dog and got a wad of stitches in my ass-it's not like the cartoons where the dog is hanging off you; teeth kind of go through flesh like....butter.

I was in a car accident while dropping a co worker off and he was completely freaked out by how calm I was. He thought I was in shock-hilarious! He couldn't believe how matter of fact I was, but it was an accident. It happens you know? All the time recently or so it seems but as usual, I digress.

So anywho, let's just say if your intestines fall out, I'm your gal. Alien pops out of your chest? I'll get the shotgun and the gauze. You crap your pants in the home? I'm there buying you bigger Depends. You vomit-you are SO on your own no matter how much I love you! Sorry!

Otherwise, we're both vomiting and where's the fun in that really?

I can't deal with my vomit....or yours....or anyone else's. Much like the ‘Vomelet' skit in Jackass, nasty that, I vomit when others do.

So I almost made it all the way home today. Almost being the optimal word in that sentence.

I got about 15 minutes from home when I lost my battle against the Technicolor yawn. I managed to pull into a Cricket store and yorked my guts out in their shrubbery. Sorry about the parking lot chum folks but better your hedges than my car say I.

I was so freaked out! Not only the actual choking portion of the program but the ‘I'm going to choke and die' paranoia and then add in public barfing close to home. Hell of a triple play!

Needless to say, I haven't been that freaked since a mouse dropped off of my sun visor falling past my eyes onto my mini skirted lap while I was driving and I almost rolled my Jeep. (Long story for another time)

I made it home and immediately rinsed and brushed and rinsed and brushed and....you get the idea.

Why is it that's it's never as good coming up as it was going down?

Mood:  don't ask

Sometimes for fun, 'Dolomite Deb' and I like to cruise the desperately seeking sick shit ads on Craigslist.

Once again, after reading some of these, it makes me reluctant to shake hands with strangers, Hell, even some of my friends. You just never know what secret proclivities someone is hiding.

In my flu weakened state, I could ony come up with the naked handyman who will come to your house to do handyman jobs but only if he's naked and you watch. If it gets my sliding glass door fixed, I might consider him.

This one is wrong on so very many levels I don't even know where to start. And don't blame me, blame Deb.

All I can say is EWWWWWWWWWWW! Imitation crab?!